PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
