So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
