Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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