Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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