I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
