remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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