You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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