The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
