ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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