Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
