Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
