When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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