Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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