Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
