She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
