omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
