what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
