Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
