Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
