I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
