you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
