Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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