Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
