I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
