and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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