You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
