The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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