ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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