Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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