so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
