I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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