I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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