Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
