I accidentally had phone sex last night
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
did you just send me my own nude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
