I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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