Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
