i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
