11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
