I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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