So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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