No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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