I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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