I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
