I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
