Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
