today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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