And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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