Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize