Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
