i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
