Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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