is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
