last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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