im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
