You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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