I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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