There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sarcasm needs its own font
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
