wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
