I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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