Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize