apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
