you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize