Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We have started to decorate penises.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
