Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
