I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
