you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
