We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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