How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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