He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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