No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
