Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
