Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
