the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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