The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
