Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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