I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
