Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
