Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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