i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
