So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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