I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
