I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
