Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
