She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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