I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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