I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
