just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
