Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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