Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He felt like a one man threesome
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
