I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
