thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
