I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
