I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
