3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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