Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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