What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
