he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
