Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
