you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
