ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
