never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
