Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
