Your face is a jimmy john
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
