Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
