The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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